The Boob Review: Sept 22.

Either Boobwar is a bit thin on the ground this week or I'm reading the wrong comics. The nearest we got in Ultimates 2 #8 was Natasha making catty remarks about Wanda's dress sense while Captain America moped a lot and then had a fight. Manhunter #14 went as far as having two women fighting an OMAC for most of the issue but there was no effort to even get their clothes ripped in a suggestive way. It's as though these writers and artists just aren't trying.

At least we had JSA Classified #3. If you can't rely on Power Girl then things would be in a bad way. There's an entertainingly gratuitous shot of Huntress on the splash page too. It's a fun read, with some snarky dialog between PG and Huntress and about a zillion cameos. Still no sign of the promised origin story though.
And no, I haven't reviewed any Marvel comics yet because I only read one or two and they haven't turned up yet. Anyone who wants to contribute further sightings should throw an email at the address on the right.

Nomination #2: TAROT, & #3: CATRESS

You've got to admire Jim Balent's single-minded dedication to breasts. Tarot is a shrine to the worship of giant fantasy boobs that defy gravity even when they are the size of beach balls.

Technically Tarot isn't really Boob War. Boob War is about eroticism, and naked women aren't erotic. Sexy, sure, but there's no erotic tension, no hint or suggestion when everything is on display. Even before Tarot went for the full nipple it had gone beyond eroticism to that "coy" area between eroticism and nudity, where a character might spend an entire issue naked but every panel managed to find some way of hiding her nipples behind foliage, plant pots, and for most of one issue, have them capped with snow (chilly!). It was probably a relief all round when Jim came to terms with his nipple phobia and the girls could just let it all hang out.

Nominations are for Tarot herself (left), and for Catress (below) of the Three Little Kittens; a separate series that has so far enjoyed a three issue mini and a two issue crossover into Tarot, during which we found that the Kittens had done their part in the gulf war, because what you really need in a warzone is 3 pornstars with large breasts dressed in bright colors and carrying pink machine guns.

Actually, now that I come to think of it, I can see where that might improve the situation.

Nominations remain open for as long as we get new suggestions, so if you have a suggestion for the girl who best exemplifies the virtues of Boobwar, speak up!

Nomination #1: BLACK CAT

Yes, Felicia, we think your implants work great, too.

First nomination is for the Black Cat from Spider-Man. She may be a cheap copy of Catwoman but she remains dear to our hearts for the way she's always managed to outshine Selina in the cleavage department. This nomination also covers Ultimate Black Cat as she's basically the same character supposedly younger and with a freakishly tiny waist.

Click on the image to see it in its full glory.

Boob War mascot nominations

Who is going to be the poster girl for Boob War? Other than Power Girl, I mean. Here's your chance to nominate the comics character you feel to be the best exponent of Boob War (no, you still can't have Power Girl). I'll do a little featurette on each of the contestants and then run a poll so you can vote. It'll be like judging a beauty pageant! What fun.

Nominations are now open. I'm nominating Lashina and I'm accepting Carlos' suggestion of Phantom Lady as a second. Who else do you think needs more... exposure?

Fun at the beach with the Female Furies

Fresh from the Kirby Swimsuit Special, along with candid shots of Knorda, normal size queen of the giants and Shebang from the the abortive attempt to combine the success of romance and monster comics, Monsters on the Pull, we present Beach fun with the Female Furies.


Don't you just love that even when she's in a bikini, Lashina still wears her mask and keeps several straps handy for smacking people with. I bet she's a fiend with a wet towel in the girls' locker room.

BIG BARDA - MISTER MIRACLE #6 DC Comics 1972

Jack Kirby - giant in the field of comic art but not particularly famous for his sexy females. Of course he did have his moments, but not many people could have introduced a character like Lashina without a certain subtext being inferred. Kirby's biggest contribution to Boob War was of course Big Barda, and in Mister Miracle #6 we get both of them. Fighting. In mud. Okay, not in mud, but it's a nice image.

The story gets off to an odd start with the introduction of Funky Flashman and Houseroy, who appear to be a kind of prototype for The Simpsons' Monty Burns and Mr. Smithers. they have some nefarious scheme in store for Scott Free. But doesn't everyone?

Scott is playing bondage games as usual (I hope he remembered to give Oberon the safe word), and as always manages to fake out the little guy, while Barda entertains a be-bearded Funky in her dolls house. But after crushing his hand for calling her a cheap tart, she flounces off to take a bath.
Relaxing in her queen(of Apokolips)-size tub, Barda thinks back to the days when she had to share with the other girls. Is that a wistful look in her eye?
But her soak is interrupted by an alarm, and so climbing into her battle bikini she goes looking for trouble and encounters Mad Harriet of the Female Furies. Harriet is a kind of female version of The Creeper, only less sexy, and Barda makes short work of her.
But Mad Harriet is only the warm up, so while Scott is off playing more bondage games with Funky, Barda indulges in a little S&M with the lovely Lashina.
But tease that she is, Lashina vanishes just as Barda has her where she wants her.
Scott arrives too late to join in the fun, so Barda strokes his ego by pretending that it was him Lashy really wanted.
But Funky has pocketed Scott's mother box, which causes complications as it was this that the Furies were using as a homing beacon to attack our heroes. And so when they next attack in full force, they find themselves confronting not Scott and Barda but the appalling Funky, who in true Burns form, hurls his Smithers into their path to slow them down while he makes his escape.

Unusually, Barda doesn't wear her armour at all, this issue. Perhaps it was at the cleaners? Here's a picture of it anyway, from Mister Miracle #8, where we can see that she and the luscious Lashina have kissed and made up and the two are now playing domination games together, exerting their kinky will on hapless minions.

The Boob Review: Top Ten Beyond the Furthest Precinct #1

The Boob Review: in which we pick a current comic and examine its contribution to the Boob War.

Top Ten: Beyond the Furthest Precinct #1

A continuation of Alan Moore's Top Ten series by Paul Di Fillipino and Jerry Ordway gets off to an excellent start that has much of the look and feel of the original. It was particularly nice to see the return of that classic exponent of Boob War, Girl One in the form of Girl 54; returned in such a way that doesn't reek of the tired ressurections most characters get. The potential was always there in the original story, since she is, after all, an android. She doesn't get to do much in this issue, but that just gives us something to look forward to in upcoming issues.


New character to watch is Jennifer the mermaid. She is obviously introduced as the Aquaman of Top Ten, and the initial impression given that with her being so absurdly unweildy on land she is going to be next to useless, but I'm guessing this is an intentional misdirection and she will prove to be a vital part of the story. She is also cute and partnering her up with Jack Phantom can only lead to fun.

No actual Boob War in this first issue, but it is only the opening chapter of a new story, and we have been teased with plenty of Boob War potential, so it's a definite recommendation.

Vampirella Classic

Vampirella first appeared way back in 1969. The early covers to Vampirella Magazine were painted by Frank Frazetta, and although she was written first by Forrest J. Ackerman and then Archie Goodwin, it was Frazetta who created her iconic image. In fact while recent retcons have ensured that very little remains of the character and background Ackerman and Goodwin came up for her, visually she has barely changed in 35 years.

She still has that impossible costume which appears to be composed of 3 strips of red ribbon - it could only ever work in comics. Although many women have tried to reproduce it in real life, you get the feeling that they would be liable to fall out of it if they coughed, let alone if they actually tried to move around in it. And as for all that jumping about and fighting... Well, double sided sticky tape will only go so far.

Some characters are inextricably linked with a particular artist. At some point I may get to the modern interpretation of the character, but this is a celebration of the original classic Vampirella created by Frank Frazetta.